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| EFT ARTICLES: Intense Fears About Giving Birth Are Eased With EFT |
| "(T)rauma can come from negative past birth experiences, from watching traumatic birth scenes in movies or from reading about such episodes in books. Or, as in the case of my client, this fear can be triggered through directly experiencing the traumatic birth process of someone close.'" Shelley Malka, PhD |
by Shelley Malka, PhD
I have often found that the fear of giving birth, usually due to a previous
trauma, considerably impedes the smooth functioning of the birth process.
This kind of trauma can come from negative past birth experiences, from
watching traumatic birth scenes in movies or from reading about such episodes
in books. Or, as in the case of my client, this fear can be triggered through
directly experiencing the traumatic birth process of someone close. EFT can
be enormously helpful with this and assist women in coming to terms with this
most significant life event in a positive, empowering way.
Sharon came to see me when she was 10 days post-due date. She was
terrified of being induced and had only four days left to 'D-Day,' when the
doctors would insist on induction. She hadn't been able to fall asleep at night
due to this anxiety and although she felt desperate to give birth naturally, in her
words, "something is holding me back." This wasn't her first pregnancy, or the
first time she was overdue so she didn't understand her anxious reaction this
time around. We began tapping right away:
Even though this time I feel something is holding me back...
After a round or two, a memory popped up about being with a friend, Renee,
during her birth process. Renee had asked to be induced and Sharon had
watched while the doctor stripped her uterus* in order to move things along.
This is a common induction practice in some countries, and extremely painful.
So we began tapping, allowing the following statements to emerge:
Even though Renee chose to be induced and I definitely don't want to go that
route...
Even though the doctor stripped her uterus while I watched...
Even though she screamed and kicked him...
Even though he hadn't warned her of what to expect…
Even though he had no right because a few minutes later she had an epidural...
This was not the first time a client had reported such stories, which I told
Sharon, and I mentioned the term "finger rape" was often attributed to such
cases. Based on further discussion about this, we tapped on the statement:
"Even though I'm still traumatized by Renee's experience, it's very helpful that
you've legitimized my horror and given it a name…" Finger rape then became
the Reminder Phrase.
During a couple of sequences around all these statements, Sharon realized
that this memory and the fear it engendered was preventing her body's natural
rhythm and, she believed, keeping her stuck and blocked about giving birth
naturally. This was a turning point in the session because it cast light on her
initial feeling about "something holding me back." She now saw how this fear
was creating the very situation - induction - she so dreaded. With this
liberating insight, we continued tapping.
Even though that happened to Renee, I choose to remember this is HER issue
and has nothing to do with my birth experience…
Even though Renee went through a trauma with her birth, this isn't going to
happen to me because I'm different and my issues are different.
Then Sharon said, "You know, Renee's whole life is dramatic!" so we explored
how that impacted on Renee's 'style' of giving birth and what that meant for
Sharon: Even though I somehow became Renee, I know I am not her … she
tends to attract dramatic, traumatic birth experiences through no conscious
fault of her own.
Tapping on this statement gave Sharon considerable relief. Her face grew
visibly softer and less tense. Within a round or two she had clearly shifted her
unconscious belief that if Renee had a bad birth experience, so would she.
Then she mentioned that Renee was "pushy" and actually "forced" her doctor
to induce her because she'd had enough of the pregnancy. In other words,
Sharon no longer saw her as an innocent victim but more objectively, she
realized her friend had played a dominant role in how the induction played out.
This new awareness was very important and to consolidate it, we did quite a bit
of tapping on, Even though Renee's birth was traumatic, it absolutely doesn't
mean it's going to happen to me … my experience will absolutely be different.
At this point, Sharon said, "Such a terrible thing can only happen if God leaves
the room." I find that whenever a client's conception of God enters the picture
it is highly personal and subjective. Yet, what invariably helps is to formulate,
together, a Choices Statement that both reflects the client's beliefs and truly
comforts the person. A new door opens, and for Sharon, this meant:
Even though such a terrible thing can only happen if God leaves the room, I
choose to totally know that He will be with me throughout my birth and not leave
me for even a moment.
Here, we performed the Choices Trio which not only allows the expression of
both voices, but also creates a kind of a magnet by linking the negative
statement to the positive Choice while tapping on alternating points. Little did
either of us know, at that time, how anchoring this "magnetic" statement would
become as Sharon's labor and delivery progressed.
What I did know at the time, though, was that another cognitive shift was
happening. "The dawn of realization began at that moment," Sharon told me
after the birth. "I understood that the process I was about to enter was entirely
out of my hands. It began to feel futile wasting my time fighting what God had
in store for me. I could not choose for Him. What I could do was pray it would
be the best for me and focus all my mental energy on that rather than on my
fears. This marked the beginning of my surrendering to a Higher Plan."
So, Sharon's Choices Trio, aimed at developing trust in a Higher Power, made
a significant difference to her feeling state. Her body seemed more relaxed
and she felt more at peace. We then re-wired her original setup statement to
further integrate the process.
Even though Renee was induced and stripped, I totally choose to let myself
labor naturally!
Even though it seems God left Renee's room, I choose to absolutely know He
won't give me anything I cannot totally handle.
Sharon left my office feeling much better. I would like to write the rest of the
story in her words:
"I went home feeling much better and KNOWING I would give birth that night. I
was too embarrassed to tell anyone how sure I was so I just continued tapping
on my choice to labor naturally and on my choice to trust that God would be
with me all the time.
"I awoke at 2 am with contractions and just continued tapping on my Choices
Statements. Each time the contractions stopped or weakened, I tapped again -
and they strengthened. When they got painful and then stopped I tapped on,
Even though these contractions are going to hurt I choose to labor naturally
and know that God will not give me anything I won't be able to cope with.
(Author's comment: I believe this helped her system to feel sufficiently safe to
allow the contractions to develop, even with the pain.)
"But it was when I got to the hospital and had to "surrender" myself to the
medical staff that my cognitive shift in my EFT session really deepened. For
immediately, I was checked by a midwife, who asked if she could do the
"stripping." I said no, and she didn't. I asked for the epidural, and for some
reason, I didn't get it and this triggered every horror story about birth that I'd
heard.
"There was also a lot of screaming from the other rooms which vividly evoked
more pictures in my mind. I truly imagined that without EFT my body really
could have "seized up" here because I would have panicked. Instead, I kept on
tapping, saying, 'Even though I'm scared that the same thing will happen to me,
I choose to know their stories and experiences are not mine. And also, I
choose to let myself labor naturally and know that God will not give me anything
I won't be able to cope with.' It became almost a mantra, alternating with 'this is
their story, not mine.'
"One and a half hours later I was finally given my epidural. I had used the
tapping right through the waiting period, and during the epidural itself, and this
absolutely kept me sane and in control. The pain disappeared and I fell asleep.
"Suddenly, I was being wheeled into the delivery room. I tapped on Even
though I'm scared, I choose to feel that God is here in the room with me and He
will not walk out on me! And then right before the delivery, a problem with the
baby's heartbeat brought all the doctors rushing in and looking very worried.
Once again, I used my wonderful tool and my carefully-prepared Affirmation
Statements.
"I tapped on, Even though something terrible may be happening, I know God
will not give me anything I won't be able to cope with and I feel He is here with
me! I continued to pray and tap together, using a version of my Reminder
Phrase: 'God, I know You're here with me every minute and I'm leaving it all up
to You.'
"By this time, my entire consciousness was enveloped in the experience of
God's Goodness and His love for me. But this only came after I surrendered
myself completely to His plan - something I would not have been able to do
without EFT. Three minutes later the heartbeat came back, all was fine again
and within minutes, I delivered painlessly the most perfect baby girl!"
Sharon emailed her story to me after her birth, ending with,
"The whole experience became so empowering and strengthened my
connection to God and my belief that things will turn out well. May you always
help people to cope with such happy events and may all their struggles have
such great endings!"
I spoke to Sharon a few months later, and this is what she told me: "After
learning to surrender myself to a Higher Plan I find it easier to take care of my
baby. I don't get mad when things don't go as planned - sleepless nights etc. I
just tap on, Even though I really want to sleep right now I choose to believe that
what needs to happen will happen. I truly believe my baby is calmer and my
nights are better but even if not, I totally and completely accept whatever
comes."
I have often found that the fear of giving birth, usually due to a previous
trauma, considerably impedes the smooth functioning of the birth process.
This kind of trauma can come from negative past birth experiences, from
watching traumatic birth scenes in movies or from reading about such episodes
in books. Or, as in the case of my client, this fear can be triggered through
directly experiencing the traumatic birth process of someone close. EFT can
be enormously helpful with this and assist women in coming to terms with this
most significant life event in a positive, empowering way.
Sharon came to see me when she was 10 days post-due date. She was
terrified of being induced and had only four days left to 'D-Day,' when the
doctors would insist on induction. She hadn't been able to fall asleep at night
due to this anxiety and although she felt desperate to give birth naturally, in her
words, "something is holding me back." This wasn't her first pregnancy, or the
first time she was overdue so she didn't understand her anxious reaction this
time around. We began tapping right away:
Even though this time I feel something is holding me back...
After a round or two, a memory popped up about being with a friend, Renee,
during her birth process. Renee had asked to be induced and Sharon had
watched while the doctor stripped her uterus* in order to move things along.
This is a common induction practice in some countries, and extremely painful.
So we began tapping, allowing the following statements to emerge:
Even though Renee chose to be induced and I definitely don't want to go that
route...
Even though the doctor stripped her uterus while I watched...
Even though she screamed and kicked him...
Even though he hadn't warned her of what to expect…
Even though he had no right because a few minutes later she had an epidural...
This was not the first time a client had reported such stories, which I told
Sharon, and I mentioned the term "finger rape" was often attributed to such
cases. Based on further discussion about this, we tapped on the statement:
"Even though I'm still traumatized by Renee's experience, it's very helpful that
you've legitimized my horror and given it a name…" Finger rape then became
the Reminder Phrase.
During a couple of sequences around all these statements, Sharon realized
that this memory and the fear it engendered was preventing her body's natural
rhythm and, she believed, keeping her stuck and blocked about giving birth
naturally. This was a turning point in the session because it cast light on her
initial feeling about "something holding me back." She now saw how this fear
was creating the very situation - induction - she so dreaded. With this
liberating insight, we continued tapping.
Even though that happened to Renee, I choose to remember this is HER issue
and has nothing to do with my birth experience…
Even though Renee went through a trauma with her birth, this isn't going to
happen to me because I'm different and my issues are different.
Then Sharon said, "You know, Renee's whole life is dramatic!" so we explored
how that impacted on Renee's 'style' of giving birth and what that meant for
Sharon: Even though I somehow became Renee, I know I am not her … she
tends to attract dramatic, traumatic birth experiences through no conscious
fault of her own.
Tapping on this statement gave Sharon considerable relief. Her face grew
visibly softer and less tense. Within a round or two she had clearly shifted her
unconscious belief that if Renee had a bad birth experience, so would she.
Then she mentioned that Renee was "pushy" and actually "forced" her doctor
to induce her because she'd had enough of the pregnancy. In other words,
Sharon no longer saw her as an innocent victim but more objectively, she
realized her friend had played a dominant role in how the induction played out.
This new awareness was very important and to consolidate it, we did quite a bit
of tapping on, Even though Renee's birth was traumatic, it absolutely doesn't
mean it's going to happen to me … my experience will absolutely be different.
At this point, Sharon said, "Such a terrible thing can only happen if God leaves
the room." I find that whenever a client's conception of God enters the picture
it is highly personal and subjective. Yet, what invariably helps is to formulate,
together, a Choices Statement that both reflects the client's beliefs and truly
comforts the person. A new door opens, and for Sharon, this meant:
Even though such a terrible thing can only happen if God leaves the room, I
choose to totally know that He will be with me throughout my birth and not leave
me for even a moment.
Here, we performed the Choices Trio which not only allows the expression of
both voices, but also creates a kind of a magnet by linking the negative
statement to the positive Choice while tapping on alternating points. Little did
either of us know, at that time, how anchoring this "magnetic" statement would
become as Sharon's labor and delivery progressed.
What I did know at the time, though, was that another cognitive shift was
happening. "The dawn of realization began at that moment," Sharon told me
after the birth. "I understood that the process I was about to enter was entirely
out of my hands. It began to feel futile wasting my time fighting what God had
in store for me. I could not choose for Him. What I could do was pray it would
be the best for me and focus all my mental energy on that rather than on my
fears. This marked the beginning of my surrendering to a Higher Plan."
So, Sharon's Choices Trio, aimed at developing trust in a Higher Power, made
a significant difference to her feeling state. Her body seemed more relaxed
and she felt more at peace. We then re-wired her original setup statement to
further integrate the process.
Even though Renee was induced and stripped, I totally choose to let myself
labor naturally!
Even though it seems God left Renee's room, I choose to absolutely know He
won't give me anything I cannot totally handle.
Sharon left my office feeling much better. I would like to write the rest of the
story in her words:
"I went home feeling much better and KNOWING I would give birth that night. I
was too embarrassed to tell anyone how sure I was so I just continued tapping
on my choice to labor naturally and on my choice to trust that God would be
with me all the time.
"I awoke at 2 am with contractions and just continued tapping on my Choices
Statements. Each time the contractions stopped or weakened, I tapped again -
and they strengthened. When they got painful and then stopped I tapped on,
Even though these contractions are going to hurt I choose to labor naturally
and know that God will not give me anything I won't be able to cope with.
(Author's comment: I believe this helped her system to feel sufficiently safe to
allow the contractions to develop, even with the pain.)
"But it was when I got to the hospital and had to "surrender" myself to the
medical staff that my cognitive shift in my EFT session really deepened. For
immediately, I was checked by a midwife, who asked if she could do the
"stripping." I said no, and she didn't. I asked for the epidural, and for some
reason, I didn't get it and this triggered every horror story about birth that I'd
heard.
"There was also a lot of screaming from the other rooms which vividly evoked
more pictures in my mind. I truly imagined that without EFT my body really
could have "seized up" here because I would have panicked. Instead, I kept on
tapping, saying, 'Even though I'm scared that the same thing will happen to me,
I choose to know their stories and experiences are not mine. And also, I
choose to let myself labor naturally and know that God will not give me anything
I won't be able to cope with.' It became almost a mantra, alternating with 'this is
their story, not mine.'
"One and a half hours later I was finally given my epidural. I had used the
tapping right through the waiting period, and during the epidural itself, and this
absolutely kept me sane and in control. The pain disappeared and I fell asleep.
"Suddenly, I was being wheeled into the delivery room. I tapped on Even
though I'm scared, I choose to feel that God is here in the room with me and He
will not walk out on me! And then right before the delivery, a problem with the
baby's heartbeat brought all the doctors rushing in and looking very worried.
Once again, I used my wonderful tool and my carefully-prepared Affirmation
Statements.
"I tapped on, Even though something terrible may be happening, I know God
will not give me anything I won't be able to cope with and I feel He is here with
me! I continued to pray and tap together, using a version of my Reminder
Phrase: 'God, I know You're here with me every minute and I'm leaving it all up
to You.'
"By this time, my entire consciousness was enveloped in the experience of
God's Goodness and His love for me. But this only came after I surrendered
myself completely to His plan - something I would not have been able to do
without EFT. Three minutes later the heartbeat came back, all was fine again
and within minutes, I delivered painlessly the most perfect baby girl!"
Sharon emailed her story to me after her birth, ending with,
"The whole experience became so empowering and strengthened my
connection to God and my belief that things will turn out well. May you always
help people to cope with such happy events and may all their struggles have
such great endings!"
I spoke to Sharon a few months later, and this is what she told me: "After
learning to surrender myself to a Higher Plan I find it easier to take care of my
baby. I don't get mad when things don't go as planned - sleepless nights etc. I
just tap on, Even though I really want to sleep right now I choose to believe that
what needs to happen will happen. I truly believe my baby is calmer and my
nights are better but even if not, I totally and completely accept whatever
comes."
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* NOTE: The author of this piece is from India,
so her phrasing may be unfamiliar to you.
When she speaks of the friend's doctor and
says he "stripped her uterus," I believe she's
referring to stripping the membranes. In this
procedure, a practitioner uses a gloved finger
or fingers to separate the amniotic sac (bag of
waters) from the cervix. Some women may not
find this a painful procedure at all; others
experience it as excrutiating. In order for the
membranes to be stripped, the cervix must be
open enough to admit a finger (or fingertip). If
the cervix is not very open and/or the
practitioner is aggressive with the "sweep," it
tends to be more painful for the expectant
mother. There is no scientific data to support
this practice. However, it does increase the
woman's risk of infection. In addition, the
practitioner may inadvertently cause the bag of
waters to rupture (ROM) while trying to strip the
membranes. At that point, mainstream
practitioners are generally committed to
delivering the baby (one way or another) within
12 to 24 hours of ROM. ~Eileen
so her phrasing may be unfamiliar to you.
When she speaks of the friend's doctor and
says he "stripped her uterus," I believe she's
referring to stripping the membranes. In this
procedure, a practitioner uses a gloved finger
or fingers to separate the amniotic sac (bag of
waters) from the cervix. Some women may not
find this a painful procedure at all; others
experience it as excrutiating. In order for the
membranes to be stripped, the cervix must be
open enough to admit a finger (or fingertip). If
the cervix is not very open and/or the
practitioner is aggressive with the "sweep," it
tends to be more painful for the expectant
mother. There is no scientific data to support
this practice. However, it does increase the
woman's risk of infection. In addition, the
practitioner may inadvertently cause the bag of
waters to rupture (ROM) while trying to strip the
membranes. At that point, mainstream
practitioners are generally committed to
delivering the baby (one way or another) within
12 to 24 hours of ROM. ~Eileen